Sry I called you an 8
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
