I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
