Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
there is glitter all over my balls
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