Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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