Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
