I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize