See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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