The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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