ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
