What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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