He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
