If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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