So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
