I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
