Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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