I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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