In America we eat man semen.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
