At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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