Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
