He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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