Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
