When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
