VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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