We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
