i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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