We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
