Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
