You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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