did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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