Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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