I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize