I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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