So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
