im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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