just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
