Don't make out with my wife yet
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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