His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
