sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
