Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
