I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
