You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
