I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
