In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
