I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
