She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
