I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The power of my boobs compel you
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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