he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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