you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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