i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize