This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
