Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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