she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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