the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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