I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
