I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
