Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
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