I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
