just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
