White coat. Heels.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
