I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
