worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize