it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
