haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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