? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
