We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
