sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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