Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
