Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
